Saphirus

Well, I got a call around 8:57 this morning, from a Lowe's I sent in an employment application to over a month ago, so... apparently I now have an interview for this coming Monday. So yeah, it's far from a definite thing at this point, but I may have some possibility of snagging a job, which would be very nice, as I'm always pissbroke. To say the least, I'm hopeful, as this is the first callback I've gotten... and it took over a month. So, one in around ten or eleven applications... it's still a shot.

So, on campus, some group of students decided to put up a couple chalkboards with the title, "What's the problem with religion?" or something to that tune, where students may walk by, write something in addition, discuss and the like. Overall, I like the concept, even if I tend to disagree with what I tend to hear. But that's the idea of the exercise, right?

So, seizing the opportunity, I wrote in "Occam's Razor and The Epicurian Argument", as can be read respectively from each link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam%27s_razor
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Problem_of_evil#Logical_problem_of_evil <<oversimplified, but ideally something simple would get an idea across

So, take those two, and I've to explain it every time as no one apparently paid any attention in their Intro to Philosophy or Ethics courses. So, one explanation aside, immediately, as in without a single sentence between the two, someone jumps to the topic of the origin of the Universe. I tend to find that inappropriate, as being a species less than 5.7 million years old on the long-side of the estimate, it's pretty damn crazy to think that in the last 16,000 years of civilization that we'd have any idea even if the Universe had a beginning. I've actually been toying with a though experiment of a "non-linear Universe", kinda that old eastern "snake-eating-its-own-tail" concept. So, I figured I'd mention that and the first response I got was "That's pretty dumb.", so the standard response, "Well, what do you believe regarding the Universe and its origins then?"
"Well, God made the Universe, of course, just read Genesis."

So, self-fulfilling prophacy, always fun. I can tolerate religion as an aspect of one's personal beliefs, but when it leads to the disrespect of others or enters into an administrative field, I don't exactly sit down:D So, I brought up how Christianity is predated by numerous religions, as in, a ton of non-Abrahamic religions. He strongly disagreed and brought up how the Bible outlines the beginning of time, and therefore Christianity was the first and only true religion. This lasted about twenty minutes or so with the usual trends of such conversations, and for some reason, the conversation never turned to that enjoyable topic of the origin of morality... I'll probably bring that up next week for the hell of it.

I'm in Orlando this weekend, competing at Valencia Community College in part of the brainbowl competition, woo. What're the qualifications for getting here? Just about nothing. What reward is in sight? ...maybe self-gratification? At least I'm doing something that could qualify as semi-productive this weekend; competing in contests of trivia and random knowledge. In fact, for the first time in five years, I had to remember something about OSPF, and for those of you who don't speak the internet, that's a routing protocol within one autonomous system, specifically "Open Shortest Path First." I had to remember the namesake mathmatician from Denmark for whom the algorishm the protocol uses is based upon. Unfortunately, after five years, I had since forgotten, so I didn't get that question. That's what I get :D

Over all, we're actually doing okayish for a lackluster team. There are six more rounds for tomorrow, but as of now, we're 3 victories and 2 losses, which puts us right at the top of that fun little bellcurve. So yeah, an exciting weekend full of adrenaline and joys of knowing the three general categories of mollusks in the Order "Molluska." There will probably be no other time in my life that information of that sort shall prove more useful.

As of now, the competition results could go in any direction...so we'll see.

Well, I've had some knee trouble since... well, since over a year ago now, closer to 18 months. More recently, it has been worse, as I've been scared to even train on it for fear it would give out and be more damaged. I finally got around to seeing a doctor today, who described it as "asymptomatic" because it's not sensitive to touch, and represents with only pain (no numbness or prickling sensation that would be expected if it were due to a back injury). The current bet is I've torn the meniscus in my knee, which would not show up on an x-ray. So yeah, no real conclusive answer yet, and it's weird pain, which is all the more diagonstically-fun.

If it is a torn meniscus, I doubt that would mean anything good...as those seldom heal on their own without requiring surgery, at least as far as I've seen. I don't want to miss out on the gym for so long! D: But, I'm getting ahead of myself, I still have to schedule my date with a magnetic tube.

Well, as it seems is all too easy these days, I've just about filled up my 100GB Maxtor drive in this laptop, so today, I picked up a new Western Digital 250GB SATA for my second drive bay! To my surprise, it worked just fine right out of the box, no need to mess around with my kernel or anything, which is a nice change. I'm thinking in conventional, monolithic format, I shall use this new drive as my /home, while reserving the old drive for /boot, swap and /. So, I shall have a system drive for all my system-y things, and then a drive for all my own things, all in ext4, of course.

Other than that, my weekend has been nice thusfar, I've done nothing and slept a lot, which is really the best weekend I can hope for. I'm actually nearly looking forward to the approach of this next week, nearly.

Today actually went a bit better than yeterday. It started off with the same low-down tempo and associated bull, but at least it improved as the day went on. Daisy was on campus today, oddly enough, as she only ever came to campus on Mondays... the reason was to be with her new boyfriend... from 7:20am to when I last was in the same area, at 5:10pm, unsure exactly how long she stayed. I can be potently jealous, lol.

It's not so much her, as the idea of, as they say. Moreso because it's two people being blatently public with a sense of joy-in-one-another I'll be without for some time, and have been for some time. Oh well, I fit the role of the typical lonely guy, which probably won't serve me well. Seems that me being the least bit vocal about it will sooner strike friends as "creepy" than anything else, such is life.

My day really saw improvement when I got to the gym, as for once, someone actually wanted to come with. I've got nothing really against working out alone, it's what I've become used to, but there's a competative aspect to a gym-rat-buddy which can really be nice. I'm the fat-fitness-viking of campus, and apparently can speak of nutrition and exercises in a way that dictates I must know what I'm talking about. I tend to like that. Though, it may be worth stating that the person who asked to come along to the gym was a girl I may or may not have an interest in, but who's pretty much nuts for some other guy and too shy to say anything directly. Looks like I'll end up being the facilitor if things continue xD

I'm awesome.

Looking through my phone, I have amassed some 90 contacts in total. Half, I haven't spoken to in nearly or over a year, so let's ballpark that at nine months or greater. There are a number I can't remember; some passing greeting or someone who only spoke to me for a few short minutes. The names pile up, but I haven't the heart to delete them, even if I've lost contact quite some time ago. Amoung the list of those I can't remember: Amber, Emily, Hannah, Jahn, Jill, Kendel, Kristina, Liz, Lesley Marissa, Rebecca ("The Awesomest"), Sarah, and someone titled "wolfchick" ... there is a consistent theme here.
I've routinely become that expendable person who will listen to someone's problem, be a punching bag or exhaust vent, revieve compensation in the possiblity of friendship or talking, and then I fade. I am just that, socially expendible. There's no evidence of that changing either, either by temperment or situation, it seems where I'm going to stay. In short, I hate biology; biological drives tend to suck. There's the need to eat, the need for companionship, everything will become either a need or a want, and among biological drives, there are very few "wants." EVERYTHING will take priority.
Today, I was hugged for the first time in weeks, and now my head is full of fuck. It's neat how pretty much any girl I ever have any level of attraction to will either be already in a relationship, already lusting after someone else (and thereby in a one-sided relationship) or just... not interested in anything dating-related. I cannot win this one, absolutely not. If I'm good at anything, it's at least getting to the door of a friendship, but much beyond that seems impossible. Daisy texted me today about how she's finally gotten a date with Kevin, yeah I know, it's a bit late to bloom into the he-said-she-said stage, but it seems everyone will go through it. All I'm left with in my options to reply is wellwishing and congratulatory statements, as hollow as they may be.
It'll be nice to grow beyond this sense of need and be able to focus upon some new facet of life. Unfortunately, it seems I'll have a few years to go for that one, being 18 means that I have, if I'm an average individual, another seven years until brain development is considered to be finished, and then numerous hormonal sways to guide my focus afterwards. I'm not enjoying this in the slightest, and due to my need to write at least one paper tonight, I can't even get in a decent workout to distract myself.
The last five weeks have consistenly brought worse and worse news; unceasing stress, less gym, more bullshit... it's really wearing me down. Ontop of that, I'm eternally broke without being able to find employment despite scattering applications wherever I can. The semester ends somewhere around December 19th, so I have just over a month remaining before I can escape this cycle and return to something less drowning. I am not enjoying this, but it's much more than a lack of enjoyment. It's a lack of contentment or even sustainability. Something will give.

Been a while since I've been quite this tired, fell asleep at 7pm yesterday, and slept solidly through four alarms until 7am. I've had one cup if tea, and will likely have more as the day goes on. I didn't even maintain any illusion of plans to hit the gym today, so when added with yesterday's exhaustion, I'll likely only attend the gym twice this week. I really would rather like a break.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Well, I had certain concerns after taking the first physical science test, and as such I checked, and I did something massively wrong on a problem that represents about half of the test grade. As in, this one problem will determine my outcome in this test, and due to the entire class failing it last time, that test too. I'm all but certain on the first one I operated under the assumption that 1 liter is equal to 1000 cm^3, and that was marked incorrect, but of course these tests were not returned, so who am I to say how good my recollection is now? This time I got the idea in my head that 1 liter is equal to 100cm^3, which is ridiculous because I KNOW that 1cm^3 is equal to one MILLILITER, but... such is the stress of the matter. So, I'm less than confident on the outcome of that test... he also randomly changed the entire format from multiple-choice to short essay responses, which I feel I did well on, but changing a format of tests is kinda a dick move when taking a class. So, that said, I'm massively concerned and boarderline-disgusted.

Bio didn't go much better, the professor stressed that most of the test would be on mitosis and meiosis several times, so that is what I studied. Too bad there was no mention that 2/3 of it was on the reactions of photosynthasis and cellular respiration... so that's also in the air. A red letter day in the worse sense.

They're all lining up this week, school has actually eaten into my impenetrable gym schedule. It took long enough for the ball to get rolling, but classes have finally begun to pick up steam half way through the semester. I'm mostly keeping up though; nailed a 93% on my College Algebra midterm...which considering I failed Intermediate Algebra more-than-several times, leaves me with more concern than anything else. In twenty minutes, it's a physical science test that will probably determine my grade on our previous test as well, so if I fail this, I fail the course, if I ace this, I ace the course... no pressure at all. Then comes the bio test that I'm massively unprepared for, but I only need a "real score", before the curve, of a 66%-D to even maintain a B-average, which should be very doable if I have any confidence in my understanding of biology.

Some great stuff lined up this week; paper due tomorrow which I've yet to start. It looks simple enough, it's just these tests devouring my focus. Also, loving this song right now:

I had a couple papers to write tonight, and afterward I had that itch to keep writing...so I did what anyone would do and selfishly invested this in just a freewrite about random stuff. Enjoy my morning. ...
The alarm chimes as every morning and awareness spreads. It is morning, but not in the common sense. This morning comes before the dawn, before the slightest shuffle of a lowing horizon to tell of the approaching sun, before the birds stir and before the dew dries. This is my morning. This is my silent morning, where action and eyesight have yet to achieve syntropy and act independent of each other, shaking off the groggy haze of exhaustion. Days never begin with enthusiasm, but following a tidal change of attention, they're slow to begin, slow to terminate, but consistent in their approach. The house is still silent, the soft rustle of carpeting fraying under it's years of use beneath approaching feet, that subtle residual stick skin has to porcelain tile, the scampering sound of a brown and malnourished gecko running across the stained wallpaper. To turn on the sink is to invite a whole host of noise as first the valve groans to attention, vomiting forth with an inconsistent sputter of water, the metallic tones echoing throughout the room. This is the first 87 seconds of my morning.

A return to the recently departed room and assembled threads are acquired from the floor, only minimally soiled from use but making up for such in availability. Those cotton cargo pants, lose on one side with a slightly greater width to the pant leg, a tear just above the exterior-facing portion of the right ankle, frayed and exposed. There's no great story to the damage nor intent to repair the wound of fabric. A generic shirt displaying some sort of logo or statement is acquired and applied, similarly showing stains or damage of use. Hair is adjusted such that the poorly organized waves of brown, disrupted through a less-than-restful sleep hang disproportionately, and are held back with the metallic band of a pair of headphones. Music shall be the numbing step of cadence, the continual push forward through a day, a beacon to focus upon when all others are unseen and a companion to be less alone. Chords are packed, wrapped delicately with a quarter twisting motion to counter-clockwise... 27 wraps around the AC-to-DC power converter, 26 on the other side with no grounding plug. The laptop itself is placed inside an overstuffed and tearing backpack, held together at the seams with duct tape, fayed brown fabrics and strategically-placed items to evenly distribute the weight across the bottom.

Breakfast. There are no misconceptions of some fresh eggs flopping and sputtering in a well-greased pan, nor the welcoming allure of fresh citrus releasing an aerosol into the air from an abusive breaking of pulp. Breakfast is now a euphemism for a brown, artificially flavored and hydrophobic solution of protein derived from dairy products, cold water and seven different pills of debatable nutritional benefit. Preparation takes a variable amount of time depending upon how strong one's reflex to identify this spoiled-tasting, proteinous film as an item not to be confused with food is in this morning. It is my preference to spend at least 43 seconds in preparation, thoroughly suspending the powder well enough to at least pretend it's just contaminated water. This ritual is to be repeated three times daily, each time my throat tightens and stomach clenches in predicted disgust. It takes all of seven seconds to swallow the solution, and another seven to resolve any posthumous muscular twitches as every sense of disgust is told that it is wrong... disgust is never wrong.

This is not stagnation or regression, this is not quality of life nor desire of death, this is not anything. It's not insignificant, it's not a paradigm, confectionery or mattress. This is my morning, this is the start of my day and how I capture attention long enough to maintain the basic standards necessary to ensure the next breath is not the last. This is how I greet the day, beyond 832 milliliters of a hydrophobic solution in water, emulsified and beaten into submission long enough to be swallowed and utilized. It's a blend of 22 amino acids, cholesterol, fats and trace elements of mercury, to be used in health and in illness, to ensure both. This is loneliness in the most adolescent sense, direction is forged not found nor followed. To think, my day is only seven minutes over, seven minutes under and seven minutes less distant on this day that I have made.
Yeah...also listening to this:

I love this stuff. Coincidentally, I can hardly play it, as the most recent flash-for-linux is failing miserably and I'm actually getting skipping audio... yay!

Also, I think I've found out why the gym has proved so addictive to me. I'm thinking that as it seems to go, once a school year gets going, I usually get some form of crippling depression. This was echoed in a common rhythm all throughout Gibbs, and in nine days, it will have been a year since I was dumped out of my last relationship. I'm becoming quite confident that endorphins are the best defense I have. Mostly just felt weird the last couple days, I get through my weeks on three hours of sleep or less per night, then one day without an alarm, and I crash for sixteen hours...weird stuff.

Remember those oatmeal commercials or whatnot that would have someone go, "Hey, I just lowered my cholesterol." in an elevator? They were popular around 2002, I think...I dunno, years blend together. Anyway, I did, I just lowered my cholesterol. I went from a deathly score of 251 in January, then 224 a few months later, 214 in a few more months, and most recently, a surge down to 178. I've approached the acceptable limits, yay.

12:40 - 13:32 ... I watched this over legaltorrents, and at this point I think she lost the last of my hope that she may be onto something. Yes, computer are apparently so simple, that you can open it up and find out what part is obsolete by its shape.

So yeah, dad's back home and all, not allowed to walk very far or very fast, but hey, he's alright. That's probably as good as someone can hope for after a damn corenary. Looks like it'll be just the shove the whole family needed to kick us all to a somewhat better style of living; goodbye doritos.

In addition, I got a randomly-awesome badge-thing from a fur I know on campus, to totally switch up gears. So yeah, three pieces of gift art in less than three years, I'm on a roll :D

Because that preview-thing is annoying...

Not much else to say, semester and all...

Today was the last session of my little defensive driving course, we had an exam, and everyone was generally rejoiceful that we would not have to come back again. We had an exam, cupcakes, laughs and plenty of photos, just the "we are the champions" sort of feel...mostly because it was painfully boring. That morning began as most Saturdays this last month have; my father wakes up early, makes eggs, I wake later and eat half of the provided avian abortions, and then get a ride (can't drive stick) to the defensive driving class. I spent a lot of the ride just complaining about my broken headphones, and he suggested that when my return ride comes, we could just hit Target for a pair of $20 Sonys.

So yeah, class goes on, we have our final exam at the end of the day, I'm riding the perfect-score-high...and cupcakes, and then my sister walks in about half an hour early and just says, "Dad had a heart attack, he's fine and stable, but we have to go now."

So yeah, instant crash and blah...apparenlty, his Right Corenary Artery was 100% blocked, and the left had 70% blockage. So, they went through the standard balloon-whatever via the femoral artery, chest x-rays, everything, and apparently despite this condition lasting something around 25 minutes from onset to hospital, he remained conscious and is expected to have a full recovery. But damn, that's some kind of shock... but at least when I got to the hospital around 5pm, we were all able to have a bit of a nervous laugh about it.

The best part was my dad's EKG would start spattering that he was going into tachicardia every time he laughed, so we described it as being a "primitive video game." He'll be in the hospital for the next three days at least, and for one last little ironic bit, he's on the same floor of the same hospital where I was born, so yeah.

Well, the new semester is kicking into gear and with that, reflections of summer are finishing up. As far as they go, my summer this year has been thoroughly awesome, from the getting-in-shape portions, to AC, and the fact that I seem to have a relatively easy semester ahead of me. I'm getting all my science credits out of the way for my AA, but of course, I love those classes and despite having yet to get the book, I got an A on our first quiz, so I'm off to a good and proper start.

Also, last week, I hit a new insane-cap in the gym. I've bothered most everyone I know about this, but hey, I can express pride in accomplishments. First, the 300 pound squat, for a couple sets on an "intensity night," which I can surely be proud of. Then, later the same night, we decided we wanted to see exactly what the physical limit was for our calves and thighs, so on the leg press, we started with 630 pounds worth of 45 pound plates, incrementing by 90 each set...and don't forget to add the 45 pound runner itself. There were primarily calf-presses, in short, push it up and flex your foot downward. Now do it 30 times. Our last set saw us at 1,015 pounds, and we had used every available plate in the gym, so needless to say, that was an epic ego-boost moment.

Thursday night I have my "graduation night," where I do some walk with yellow tassals or something, in celebration of my GED. Hardly seems celebratory, but oh well. Also, now that word of my travel to AC over the summer has hit among some friends on campus, a few furs have come out of the woodwork oddly enough, so things are generally pretty awesome right now.

Also, it did happen, but you cannot expect me to take it seriously.
http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd280/saphirus497/Iheartpain.jpg
http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd280/saphirus497/squat.jpg

http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd280/saphirus497/IMG_0356JPG.jpg

Behold, my laptop's embeded info and unique device identifier....lots of sequential numbers or zeros, I'm awesome :D

http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd280/saphirus497/2009-08-10-131021_300x91_scrot.png

I find it somewhat humorous that in my "main page," where those who have recently added me to their friends lists are displayed, all but one is "suspended" xD I attract quite the crowd!

Also, new and exciting weightlifting benchmarks of win: Deadlifted 375 pounds yesterday, five times, after all the other sets of the workout at 325 pounds. In addition, did 150 pounds on a deltoid fly, where I was at 90 last week...dunno what happened there. Some guy in the gym became kinda irate after I yelled during my last set, the one where I was deadlifting over a hundred pounds more than I weigh, so I invited him to come over and do better :D

He declined.

I really must find some new people to gym with, as the "friend" I presently go with has been bothering me too much as a person, and I don't think I can really stand him for much longer.

Well, in the month or so since AC, things have hardly been stagnant. My sleep schedule has bounced around to just about every random orientation, as I am the master of my own circadian rhythm, but in the course of three days, I went from sleeping at 11am and waking just before midnight, do a totally-normal schedule, I am ready for a transcontinental trip. I'm still doing the whole gym thing, actually hit a new personal record weight last night, 280 pounds on squats...after eight sets of pyramiding, 6 reps a set. So it comes out to:
set 1: 95lbs
set 2: 135lbs
set 3: 185lbs
set 4: 205lbs
set 5: 215lbs
set 6: 235lbs
set 7: 255lbs
set 8: 280lbs

I consider this an accomplishment, as I weigh 270lbs anyway, and there's a massive ego boost to accompany lifting your own weight. I shall need a weight belt soon.

Also, yesterday, I got my learner's permit, which was rather exciting, as it took three tries over the course of one day to pull it off. And, of course, for my first driver's lesson, I had to drive to the gym...via the main thoroughfare, a six-lane road at 45mph, left turns at four way intersections and all! With any luck, I'll be done with my 2 year degree at the end of the spring semester, after just 18 months, so that's also looking quite good. I need to find a college I wish to attend.